The Tale of The Three Sisters: Tonks Junior
by Mr. Cobrah Thunderer
Summary: What if Teddy Lupin was a dick? This a (sort of) tie in to my other story, The Tale of The Three Sisters.


**Song of The Day:** **I Started A Joke by Becky Hanson**

Name's Teddy Lupin. I'm an orphan. I'm also a Metamorphmagus, which is a fancy way of saying I can change my appearance without magic. Parents were killed during The Battle of Hogwarts, it was so sad, I'm really torn up about it, blah blah blah, can we move on? People feel sorry for me, but they shouldn't. Not EVERY orphan is some sad-sack or a ginger with boundless friggin' optimism and a song in their heart.

Most people would certainly like to see me that way. Every now and then I hear somebody howl like a wolf, or hug me out of the blue, or say something along the lines of "Wotcher, Teddy!" to get a reaction out of me. My favorite reaction to this is to give them the finger and move on with my fucking life. No, I don't care if it's friendly or not, let me live my life.

As a matter of fact, sometimes I'm glad my Mom and Dad are dead. They were an idiot and an asshole respectively who left me to fend for myself as a friggin' days-old baby to fight in a stupid battle that wasn't theirs. Who the fuck does shit like that? And people talk about them like they're some noble heroes who died tragically for some greater good or whatever. I was their son! I was the greatest good they were ever going to get!

People who claim they knew my parents and grandparents and therefore how proud they must be of me up in heaven make me wanna vomit. They clearly didn't know jack about them! Let's go down the list, shall we?

Well, for starters my Grandpa, Edward Tonks, COULD have stayed at home under the protection of The Order of The Phoenix while that _Magic is Might_ garbage was going down, but oh no, that makes _far_ too much sense! He instead decided to go galavanting in the forest for no good reason with Goblins and whatever to send this big message because he was too much of a prideful, hypocritical asshole to be there for his wife and pregnant daughter (It's a shock he and my Dad didn't get on better) and guess what? He got himself killed in some godforsaken forest and I ended up being named after the strangely pro-muggle/anti-werewolf bastard. No, it isn't the fact that there is a seven-year gap between you and your son-in-law that's the problem, it's something that he can't control that's the problem. Priorities!

Then, we get my other namesake, my dear father; Remus Lupin. It's appropriate he was a werewolf, because everyone views him as a good man, an icon for people with lycanthropy, and I get that, but he's totally over-glamorized for the sake of the cause. He was nothing more than a sanctimonious prick who treated my Mom like garbage when she was over the moon for him (haha, never heard _that_ one before) and played the hero.

People like to tell me how they wish they had a person in their life who loved them as much as Remus loved Nymphadora and vice versa, when the sad truth is that he never loved her. Nothing he ever did indicated he liked her or respected her. It's funny how all of his admirers just seem to brush off that he ditched his pregnant wife during wartime! He actually said he was ashamed of his unborn child! He had the fucking nerve to go back to my Mom and expect forgiveness. And then he ditched her and me again to relive the glory days of his little boys club. What a dick,

But the one I fucking despise above everybody else is my mother, Nymphadora Lupin. A depressed, weak little sad sack who sacrificed who career, her body, and all of her happiness for a man who never gave a shit about her is NOT the type of person I aspire to be, thank you very much. This woman somehow became an Auror and possessed one-of-a-kind abilities, which is cool and all, but in terms of role models was a complete nightmare. She guilted Remus into marrying her, never stood up for herself even as he belittled her and stupidly threw her life away for the sake of "love" even though her win/loss record should have told her she was toast.

People love to point out in particular how similar we are since I inherited her Metamorphmagus abilities and I'm also a Hufflepuff, but even though they think I like hearing this I really can't friggin' stand it. The implication I have anything in common with that clown really pisses me off, and the awful pet nickname that people attribute to me, "Tonks Jr.", is a good way to weed out who really matters to me.

Because that's who she was, a clown. Someone who joked around and debased herself for the sake of a punchline in order to cover up her lack of self-respect. _Haha, Tonks Sr. fell over and knocked over a vase! What a dumbass! Haha, Tonks Sr. never uses her powers for anything meaningful! Haha, Tonks Sr. threw her life away for a man who never gave a shit about her like the retard she is, never giving any indication that she cared about the feelings about me, or invalidating Sirius Black's sacrifice or her FUCKING RECENTLY WIDOWED MOTHER!_ Guess what boys and girls? Stupidity isn't funny, and Nymphadora Lupin is the unfunniest person I can think of. Fucking Werewhore.

The only person worth a damn on my Mom's side of the family was my grandmother, Andromeda. She was the sweetest, most gentle person in the world but it never did her any friggin' good. The world seemed determined to dump on her 24/7. Grandma had two loving sisters? Have them abandon her. Grandma found love, accepting him despite his Muggle-Born status? Have him abandon her. Have a daughter she raises from scratch and pours twenty-five years of love and hard work into? Have her abandon her and spit on everything she instilled in her via a toxic relationship that would make Merope Gaunt blush.

I can remember the exact day I realized what frauds my parents were; July 22nd, 2007. When I was a baby, I used to cry all the time, worried sick about where my mother was. My Grandma had to tell me with tears and sobs overtaking her whole body falling down her face that Mummy and Daddy weren't here.

When I was a toddler, she told me my powers were nothing to be ashamed of. For instance, she had to look her daughter's murderer's face in the mirror every day, and in her own words "You don't know how lucky you are, Teddy. I'd sell my soul to change my face." She looked in The Mirror of Erised and held an invisible baby that wasn't there while holding out her left hand on her shoulder, squeezing an invisible hand.

And two months after my ninth birthday, I unconsciously turned into a girl with a heart-shaped face, chocolate brown eyes, and mousy brown hair without thinking about it on a day that coincided with some idiot shooting The Dark Mark over her house. The next day, after dropping me off at my godparents house for a sleepover and hugging me as hard as she could, Andromeda Tonks hung herself soon afterwards via her daughter's old Hufflepuff scarf.

The suicide note said; "Every year, I told myself I could hold on for just another one. But I just can't anymore. I still feel as if I turn a corner in this house, they'll pop out at me, laughing their heads off. Bella wins. I'm just not strong enough. I'm sorry, Teddy. Be good. Don't feel sorry for me, I'll be with them."

You can see why I don't shapeshift that often, right?

That's why the day I was sorted and saw both of my parents beaming teary-eyed and full of pride in Nymphadora's portrait in the Hufflepuff common room (Remus strolled in through his in the Gryffindor common room), I relished the opportunity to tell the both of them after years of wanting to meet their son to go fuck themselves. That they don't mean anything to me. That they both murdered my Grandma through their selfishness. That Sirius would be so disappointed in the both of them. That they would never hear me call them Mom and Dad, I would make a point to only call them Nymphadora and Remus even though I know she hated being called by her first name. That I would never, ever use the map Harry had given me, even in an emergency. That I would NEVER understand or forgive what they did.

I'm surprised the paint didn't fall off with all the crocodile tears they produced.

To Remus' credit, I never saw him again. But, just like the dumb needy bitch that never knew when to give up that she was in life, Nymphadora caricature followed me around, portrait through portrait trying to talk to me, ask me what I was like, how I was doing, have I made any friends yet, tell me a series of lame jokes do pratfalls, it was pathetic. It got so annoying that I actually had to request for Professor Sprout to make her stop. She actually sat me down and talk with her and Professor McGonagall to make absolutely sure this was what I wanted. I agreed wholeheartedly.

The only times I ever saw her again was when I passed her portrait in the Hufflepuff common room. As per the request made of her by the headmistress, she never spoke directly to me again, and avoided eye contact. Is it kind of dickish of me to enjoy seeing her hair lose its pink every time I passed her by?

You know what, I don't care. I learned to walk without her, I learned to talk without her, I learned to go the bathroom without her, I had to see the only family I had ever known commit suicide without her, I got myself through Hogwarts without her, I became a prefect without her, I graduated without her, I'm going to get a great job without her, I'm going to get married to Victorie Weasley without her, and if I was a girl or whatever and cared about telling people how I really felt I would feel no shame in telling people my mother is Ginny Potter.

I guess there is one silver lining there. My parents made their nephew and little sister my godparents, so there's that. Harry's a great dad, he really gets what it's like to be a, for a lack of a better term, a Harry Potter figure. I'm always welcome at his house for dinner, but he understands I need my space. We don't talk about my parents much, although I know he and Ginny misses them.

That, and the time I cried like a baby when I found a blurry home video Andromeda filmed of my mother singing my father's favorite song, "I Don't Want To Live On The Moon" from _Sesame Street_ in order to get me to sleep at night. Her hair is mousy brown and there are bags under her bloodshot eyes. Her Dad just died. The video is dated May 1st, 1998. Anyway, the part that got me was this line;

 _Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above / I would miss all the places and people I love / So although I may go I'll be coming home_ _soon._


End file.
